tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25119860958340996632024-03-13T08:31:21.791+05:30Therapy SherapyPsychology with Humanity.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-71248229347457070172009-05-18T20:45:00.004+05:302009-05-18T21:51:58.915+05:30Gratitude<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/ShGLEfP-ALI/AAAAAAAAAx0/rPWBiDm3lqE/s1600-h/motha.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 183px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/ShGLEfP-ALI/AAAAAAAAAx0/rPWBiDm3lqE/s400/motha.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337199942634963122" /></a>Gratitude is a highly underestimated virtue. We go through the rigmarole of life without acknowledging or thanking life for the various gifts that it showers on us. We accept them as pure coincidences or just a matter of good luck. <div><br /></div><div>I think gratitude towards our loved ones is becoming a thing of the past. Somewhere we take them for granted and believe that they were just doing their role. We often forget that they did not simply do their roles mechanically; they also ensured that we were made to feel special and gave us the warmth that we needed.<br /><br /></div><div>I was reintroduced to the concept of gratitude when I was reading a book on Positive Psychology. In the book they talk about "Naikan" a Japanese technique of reflection. The technique can be used on a daily basis. The word Naikan means inside looking or introspection.It is primarily based on 3 questions:<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">What have I received from...<br /><br />What have I given to...<br /><br />What troubles and difficulties have I caused to...</span><br /><br />The purpose is to use these questions to help one bring focus to how one has contributed and how one's life has been enriched by the existing relationships and interactions that one may engage in on a daily basis or over an extended period of time.<br /><br />Try using the technique and see how it impacts you.<br /><br />Will do the next blog on guidelines to increase one's sense of gratitude.<br /></div>Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-6904920297384612972009-05-03T19:36:00.007+05:302009-05-03T23:17:03.400+05:30The Theme<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/Sf3YjI6U9MI/AAAAAAAAAxs/zMBpwbA70cc/s1600-h/twin.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/Sf3YjI6U9MI/AAAAAAAAAxs/zMBpwbA70cc/s400/twin.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5331655632075683010" /></a>Wow! My last entry was in the beginning of January, which makes me think how fast the months have passed. Today I have decided to put aside all my laziness and instead channelize it in to writing an entry. Over the months the ideas have often come in but very rarely has the enthusiasm accompanied the idea and that's how lot of thoughts, insights were lost in the abyss.<div><br />Some weeks back, I was working with 2 clients regarding their personal concerns.The 2 clients who have different lives, different backgrounds told me their own stories, deliberated on the choices made and contemplated over their personal journeys. </div><div><br /></div><div>The fascinating bit was that they had an exactly common underlying theme. As I finished my sessions with them, the theme remained with me and I wondered how both of them were so similar yet so different. It was almost as if they were speaking the same language still what they meant was world apart. Both moving in a new direction and letting their theme guide them towards it. I wondered if their journeys would lead them through a common path and a common end.</div><div><br /></div><div>As I ended the day, I wondered what the theme meant for me and how it affected my being.</div>Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-91957163613212746682009-01-01T10:34:00.014+05:302009-01-04T16:12:19.934+05:30New Year and Resolutions<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1018482"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/SWCSB72W0yI/AAAAAAAAAwU/Nlp5I-WkTCc/s400/1018482_61252330.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287386524476166946" border="0" /></a>For the last two days, ideas have been spinning in my head regarding a new blog entry. With time they germinated, and here is a new entry for the new year.<br /><br />For me, the concept of the new year has assumed new meaning since the last few years. Earlier there were resolutions and plans on how to bring in the new year; now it's more symbolic. It's symbolic of newer beginnings, a time to introspect and a time to be grateful for the year that has gone by. Now it also symbolizes the time when my friends come back from the US, so it's time to reunite and write my yearly long mails to few people who have been special.<br /><br />A part of me wonders if our new year resolutions are more steered towards attitude change (easier thought than done), rather than our actions. When someone says, "I won't smoke this year", maybe it's more about adopting a healthier lifestyle than just simply quit smoking. When a client says "This year, I shall think less", maybe he means that this year he will accept more and let go of extra emotional baggage.<br /><br />It's amazing how these apparently simple sounding resolutions take a whole lot of effort to finally translate. It has more to do with the fact that changing our attitude is a long process and not just a knee jerk reaction. The desire to change needs to be intense and gradually the process of change takes shape.<br /><br />So what's your new year resolution?<br /><br />Happy New Year!Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-12553987264643652072008-12-09T19:42:00.007+05:302008-12-09T23:28:06.863+05:30Thanksgiving<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/ST6xnLCeo1I/AAAAAAAAAwM/kBbo-lkVMbk/s1600-h/680675_pressie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 197px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/ST6xnLCeo1I/AAAAAAAAAwM/kBbo-lkVMbk/s400/680675_pressie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5277851099861001042" border="0" /></a>This post comes a little late, but I have been meaning to write this for a while now. I was saving it for a statement or a phrase that could express all that I personally wanted through this post.<br /><br />Abhishek Kapoor, the director of the movie Rock on quotes on the Rock On CD cover, 'You are only as good as the people you work with, and I am truly privileged'. This statement resonates what I have felt over the year and often shared with my students.<br /><br />This post is a way of expressing my gratitude towards all my friends, colleagues and of course clients, who have trusted me and bared their souls to me. It's often been surprising how people share the most intimate of their lives, concerns and even vulnerabilities. It takes a lot to share with another human being, the things you may not accept about your own self. Thank you for trusting me and giving me a chance to share your lives.<br /><br />A lot of what I am comes from the interactions I've had with people. Each very subtly defines me and has managed to influence the way I think and the way I am .<br /><br />So thank you for being a part of my life and influencing it.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-10478113820747182652008-11-16T21:59:00.011+05:302008-11-16T22:48:49.724+05:30Positive Psychology<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/SSBV6oMfunI/AAAAAAAAAwE/7lhyIHUfXOE/s1600-h/962595_74452077.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ko2lcDhCpcw/SSBV6oMfunI/AAAAAAAAAwE/7lhyIHUfXOE/s400/962595_74452077.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5269306029734083186" border="0" /></a>About a year back, I was teaching a group of adult students and one of the topics I taught was 'Positive Psychology'. The most fascinating part of the process were the people's reactions to the subject.<br /><br />But first, allow me to give you a brief description of Positive Psychology. It's a way of looking at human beings from a perspective of their strengths and abilities that help them move on with life. The way I see it, it celebrates mental strengths which all of us possess. These mental strengths can be resilience, hope, zest for life, love of learning and many more.<br /><br />Dr Martin Seligman is considered to be the Father of Positive Psychology.<br /><br />I asked the students in my class to share an incident from their personal life, which reflected one of their mental strengths. It could be a positive incident or a challenging situation that brought about a strength which they never knew existed within them. I gave the class 5 minutes.<br /><br />It was amazing how every member had a touching story to tell. All of a sudden people shared the most intimate stories of their lives. Some of their eyes went visibly moist, but every face looked different, stronger, more confident and introspective. It seemed as if people's most vulnerable moments made them aware of their own personal resources and strengths.<br /><br />I ended the discussion by saying that each of us need to keep our strengths constantly alive, not just in good times, but also when going gets tough.<br /><br />A student after the discussion mentioned how she thought psychology was just about human suffering and now she felt that there's more to psychology. It's also about people's goodness, their personal capabilities.<br /><br />This post goes to all those people who trusted me in the class and bared their soul, teaching me and the class so many strengths that will now always be a part of me.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-13042015485909171282008-11-12T22:58:00.001+05:302008-11-12T23:01:25.421+05:30<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCndH2t7vaE/SRsSkc_cPPI/AAAAAAAAAF0/JS0e6al3auc/s1600-h/lone.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCndH2t7vaE/SRsSkc_cPPI/AAAAAAAAAF0/JS0e6al3auc/s200/lone.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5267824606606802162" border="0" /></a>It’s interesting how interacting with people (includes friends, family and clients) can bring about personal revelations which can change one’s perspective on life. I don’t remember, but at some point I realized that people can be lonely even in relationships.<br /><br />Loneliness is often defined as stemming from lack of companionship or being alone. Strangely I have seen and heard conversations where loneliness has become a part of people’s lives, in spite of their busy schedules and a family life. Their lives may be connected to so many others, yet deep down they may feel separated.<br /><br />A friend once commented that when he gets off at CST station, where he sees hoards of people, he still feels lonely. He said “I’m lonely even in a crowd”. Sometimes the state of loneliness can help people contemplate on their desires, dreams and make them think about the life they would want to lead.<br /><br />I think when people can be happy with themselves, their own space and their own being, they cease to be lonely. May be if we can be happy in our aloneness, we may not really feel lonely. As I write this post, I’m reminded of the existential school, which says that there’s a price we pay for awareness. Awareness about your state of loneliness can be discomforting to begin with, but can reap positive results, if you can find yourself in the process.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-74190109033979059852008-09-14T18:10:00.004+05:302008-09-14T18:30:00.730+05:30Finding happiness!Movies and books over the years have an ability to help us get in touch with ourselves, possibly our unconscious as Freud would have put it. Over the years I have used both these mediums in therapy to drive home a point and they in very subtle was have contributed to my sensibility and openness to the world.<br /><br />Recently I saw Rock On and left the theater feeling with a satisfied feeling.The feeling that Indian cinema has finally arrived!Even TZP did that, but this movie took the issue of our dreams, passion and unfinished business to a different level altogether.<br /><br />One of the actors in the movie says this" Music is the only thing I know" and I'm sure it echoes the sentiments of a significantly large population.In the world of materialism, somewhere we do lose our passions compromising for better pay packages and trade off our happiness.<br /><br />The movie just made me respect some significant people so much more, because honestly they love their profession and yes that's the only thing they know! Their satisfaction with their work has reflected in the way they carry themselves and this post goes out to them!Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-56740764723625123622008-04-15T10:41:00.003+05:302008-04-15T10:53:00.888+05:30The Why of CounselingI'm constantly asked what keeps me going in a profession like Counseling.I remember very early I n life, even when I didn't understand the nuances of Counseling, I decided to make it a career.That conviction is something which has got me here, practicing for quite some time.<br /><br />Over years of counseling, I have realized that it's not just about giving people hope,but also strengthening their own abilities to deal with life situations, helping them become aware of their own potential,help find their personal meaning and teaching them to accept and move on in life.It's all about them and very little of me in it.it's beautiful to see people adapt, change perspectives, show resilience and I think enriching to know that they made you a part of their private world and trusted you.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-91335466709360702482008-04-09T23:12:00.004+05:302008-04-09T23:28:23.402+05:30Finding room for booksGagan and I recently went to Landmark and purchased loads of books from there including graphic novels, psychology books and many more.However the minute we paid the bill we wondered where do we keep them.<br /><br />Believe me this is the question we ask ourselves every time we buy books.However surprisingly we still mange to find place for them.This just continues to surprise us.We have often discussed that looking at the way we keep buying books, we may have to just buy a flat for books.I remember one of my bosses who actually had an entire flat just to store books:)<br /><br />The thing with life is no matter how much space you have it's never enough! the more space you have, the more stuff you buy:)<br /><br />I can already imagine our room with different book covers, different genres and music that goes well as we just sit, lie and read our books.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-21689091863182500012008-01-13T11:04:00.001+05:302008-04-09T23:09:07.199+05:30Technology and Instant Gratification<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_uCndH2t7vaE/R4njNWTcyzI/AAAAAAAAADo/E268PVM8GtQ/s1600-h/386308_8435.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_uCndH2t7vaE/R4njNWTcyzI/AAAAAAAAADo/E268PVM8GtQ/s400/386308_8435.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154901066967206706" border="0" /></a>What have cellphones, e-mail, instant messaging, SMS and social networking sites done to us? For one they have made it easier to connect and relate to others. Infact it even has helped people find old friends, keep in touch, even though you may not have met them for years. Technology has created ways where we can choose who we want in our virtual world and block the unwanted.<br /><br />In a busy world technology has helped us form virtual relationships, sometimes with very little probability of meeting face to face.<br /><br />Along with all this, technology has created space for individuals who want instant gratification. If Sigmund Freud, a psychoanalyst would have been alive, he would have jumped in joy to see how his theory about humans wanting instant pleasure has turned right.<br /><br />Maybe Freud was born a little too early. I wonder what else he could have speculated.<br /><br />By Instant Gratification, I just mean that people want quick replies to their sent text messages — the absence of which can create doubt, panic and sometimes a lot of other thoughts about how their message is being perceived. The reality is that no matter how reliable technology is, sometimes, it fails us. The messages don't reach,there are people who don't read messages and also sometimes if we keep our phones silent, we may miss a message for hours and not only that if you are in a meting or workshop,you may not see it all!<br /><br />This happens to all of us, but the big question is — what can you do about it?<br /><br />I love technology and I'm married to a techie :) So this isn't any anti tech message. It's just a thought. Let's explore how we can use technology to our optimum in the next article.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-1871764696662025782008-01-03T09:22:00.001+05:302008-04-15T10:38:11.756+05:30Sense of worthMy psychology professor, while teaching Rogers, mentioned a line that stayed with me. Over the years it has shaped my work with my clients. This post is a way of thanking my professor for saying that and touching my life in a significant way.<br /><br />The strange thing is that I still remember the day when she mentioned the line and how it kept echoing for a very long time.Carl Rogers was a therapist who believed in the human potential. He believed that people have the capacity to find their own answers. My professor said —<br /><br />'<span style="font-style: italic;">The fact that you are a human being makes you worthy'.</span><br /><br />I consider this as something sacred, which has touched the lives of so many students who I taught psychology and the clients I worked with. It helps reinforce the idea of being and I have seen people's faces light up as soon as they hear it. It's been healing in a beautiful way.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing that line with us and touching so many lives.<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /></span>Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-26694753388213101922008-01-01T09:49:00.001+05:302008-04-09T23:11:19.318+05:30Dreams<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Dreams pass in to the reality of action. From the action stems the dream again and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.</span><br /><br />-Anais Nin<br /><br />Couple of years back I read something in my dream, which continues to come back to me every now and then. They just appeared in a dream and prepared me for life to come.<br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">Faith to Fathom<br />Strength to Surrender</blockquote>Over the years I have felt this dream and the message slowly seeping in to my life. Teaching me faith and helping me surrender. I still wonder where did these lines come from. Dreams can be therapeutic too.</div>Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-59945244304411293432007-12-12T18:46:00.002+05:302008-04-15T10:41:51.061+05:30Counsellor characteristics that no textbook teachesYears of practicing as therapist has taught me few things which no textbook really addressed. It has been fascinating how certain characteristics seem to be as relevant as the process of therapy itself.<br /><br />Often when I bump in to my clients after therapy has been terminated and address them by their first name, they are amazed. They feel so happy that I still remember their name or even if they call and I recognize their voice, it feels good to them.I have realized how important it is to remember people's names. All of us love being addressed by our first names, and now I have realized that it matters a lot. So all budding counselors, start working on your memory. :)<br /><br />Remembering details of what a client shares is immensely important and may be that explains why making notes is essential for every counselor. However the most essential is to listen to your client, take every word as important and store it in one corner to your mind and retrieve it when your client is taking. One of the skills is to remember register and connect various pieces of information that clients talk at various times and believe me, if you do so, it's beautiful how clients develop their own insight.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-89985355303300183162007-12-11T22:33:00.001+05:302008-04-15T10:41:14.025+05:30ReflectionsAs a therapist,I'm quite used to asking my clients, about their wellbeing but I'm not used to clients asking about mine. The other day a client asked me, "How are you doing?" and without exaggerating I was surprised, almost missed the question.<br /><br />I shared with him how I'm not used to answering this question and suddenly it felt funny. The reality is when I'm working with clients, it's almost as if I wear the garb of a therapist and that's my identity, with a focus on how to help the client make most of it and as a result somewhere I do forget about myself.<br /><br />The other day I just realized that listening comes to me so naturally and somewhere I'm not even conscious of it now. It's may be one skill, I cannot remember how I developed it, it just happened. However the training on paraphrasing, summarization and empathy did sharpen it.<br /><br />My journey as a therapist has been interesting one and full of surprises. It has made me admire the human spirit and trust people's innate ability to heal.As a therapist, I would like to thank every client who gave me a chance to work with them and God.Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-35142139760616432872007-10-09T21:04:00.001+05:302008-04-15T10:39:30.048+05:30<p class="MsoNormal">As a therapist, I often help my clients provide a space where they can ventilate their emotions, learn to express their feelings and feel light. They often describe counseling process as a space where they can be uninhibited. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I remember often telling my students that as counselors we do possess a sense of power and it’s essential to not let this sense of importance get to our heads. As I’m writing I tell myself that it’s a process which creates that space and not me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">However this besides the point, I have learnt that building spaces for others is easier as compared to creating a space for oneself.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As a therapist one of the professional hazards is burnout or emotional exhaustion. Now I know the way to deal with is to remind myself that I need the space too, the space to breathe, the space to exude my personal identity, the space to experience my emotions and finally the space to prepare myself for my professional identity too.</p>Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2511986095834099663.post-25361596895454164262007-09-20T09:37:00.001+05:302008-04-15T10:39:04.023+05:30Origins of Therapy SherapyThis one time, a few relatives came over to visit. After the greetings and formalities, the dreaded question arose – <span style="font-style: italic;">“So what are you doing these days?”</span> It can often get difficult communicating what I really do as a therapist, and why does the world need more of our kind (read narcissism).<br /><br />As I begin my long and oft-repeated job description, my uncle interrupts – <span style="font-style: italic;">“The girl is in to ‘Therapy Sherapy’”</span>, to which everyone looks at me and nods, saying <span style="font-style: italic;">“Oh, Good work, Good work”</span>.<br /><br />I look at my husband and say <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">“Therapy Sherapy?!?”</span> The term almost has a lightness attached to it and a desiness that intrigues me.<br /><br />A profession that’s all about complexity of human mind, human potential and layered with intricate emotions becomes Therapy Sherapy.<br /><br />I call this The Indianization of my professional avatar<br /><br />Sonali Gupta, a <span style="font-style: italic;">Therapist Sherapist</span>. :)Sonali Guptahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00512930327319011051noreply@blogger.com0