Thanksgiving

This post comes a little late, but I have been meaning to write this for a while now. I was saving it for a statement or a phrase that could express all that I personally wanted through this post.

Abhishek Kapoor, the director of the movie Rock on quotes on the Rock On CD cover, 'You are only as good as the people you work with, and I am truly privileged'. This statement resonates what I have felt over the year and often shared with my students.

This post is a way of expressing my gratitude towards all my friends, colleagues and of course clients, who have trusted me and bared their souls to me. It's often been surprising how people share the most intimate of their lives, concerns and even vulnerabilities. It takes a lot to share with another human being, the things you may not accept about your own self. Thank you for trusting me and giving me a chance to share your lives.

A lot of what I am comes from the interactions I've had with people. Each very subtly defines me and has managed to influence the way I think and the way I am .

So thank you for being a part of my life and influencing it.

Positive Psychology

About a year back, I was teaching a group of adult students and one of the topics I taught was 'Positive Psychology'. The most fascinating part of the process were the people's reactions to the subject.

But first, allow me to give you a brief description of Positive Psychology. It's a way of looking at human beings from a perspective of their strengths and abilities that help them move on with life. The way I see it, it celebrates mental strengths which all of us possess. These mental strengths can be resilience, hope, zest for life, love of learning and many more.

Dr Martin Seligman is considered to be the Father of Positive Psychology.

I asked the students in my class to share an incident from their personal life, which reflected one of their mental strengths. It could be a positive incident or a challenging situation that brought about a strength which they never knew existed within them. I gave the class 5 minutes.

It was amazing how every member had a touching story to tell. All of a sudden people shared the most intimate stories of their lives. Some of their eyes went visibly moist, but every face looked different, stronger, more confident and introspective. It seemed as if people's most vulnerable moments made them aware of their own personal resources and strengths.

I ended the discussion by saying that each of us need to keep our strengths constantly alive, not just in good times, but also when going gets tough.

A student after the discussion mentioned how she thought psychology was just about human suffering and now she felt that there's more to psychology. It's also about people's goodness, their personal capabilities.

This post goes to all those people who trusted me in the class and bared their soul, teaching me and the class so many strengths that will now always be a part of me.

It’s interesting how interacting with people (includes friends, family and clients) can bring about personal revelations which can change one’s perspective on life. I don’t remember, but at some point I realized that people can be lonely even in relationships.

Loneliness is often defined as stemming from lack of companionship or being alone. Strangely I have seen and heard conversations where loneliness has become a part of people’s lives, in spite of their busy schedules and a family life. Their lives may be connected to so many others, yet deep down they may feel separated.

A friend once commented that when he gets off at CST station, where he sees hoards of people, he still feels lonely. He said “I’m lonely even in a crowd”. Sometimes the state of loneliness can help people contemplate on their desires, dreams and make them think about the life they would want to lead.

I think when people can be happy with themselves, their own space and their own being, they cease to be lonely. May be if we can be happy in our aloneness, we may not really feel lonely. As I write this post, I’m reminded of the existential school, which says that there’s a price we pay for awareness. Awareness about your state of loneliness can be discomforting to begin with, but can reap positive results, if you can find yourself in the process.

Finding happiness!

Movies and books over the years have an ability to help us get in touch with ourselves, possibly our unconscious as Freud would have put it. Over the years I have used both these mediums in therapy to drive home a point and they in very subtle was have contributed to my sensibility and openness to the world.

Recently I saw Rock On and left the theater feeling with a satisfied feeling.The feeling that Indian cinema has finally arrived!Even TZP did that, but this movie took the issue of our dreams, passion and unfinished business to a different level altogether.

One of the actors in the movie says this" Music is the only thing I know" and I'm sure it echoes the sentiments of a significantly large population.In the world of materialism, somewhere we do lose our passions compromising for better pay packages and trade off our happiness.

The movie just made me respect some significant people so much more, because honestly they love their profession and yes that's the only thing they know! Their satisfaction with their work has reflected in the way they carry themselves and this post goes out to them!

The Why of Counseling

I'm constantly asked what keeps me going in a profession like Counseling.I remember very early I n life, even when I didn't understand the nuances of Counseling, I decided to make it a career.That conviction is something which has got me here, practicing for quite some time.

Over years of counseling, I have realized that it's not just about giving people hope,but also strengthening their own abilities to deal with life situations, helping them become aware of their own potential,help find their personal meaning and teaching them to accept and move on in life.It's all about them and very little of me in it.it's beautiful to see people adapt, change perspectives, show resilience and I think enriching to know that they made you a part of their private world and trusted you.

Finding room for books

Gagan and I recently went to Landmark and purchased loads of books from there including graphic novels, psychology books and many more.However the minute we paid the bill we wondered where do we keep them.

Believe me this is the question we ask ourselves every time we buy books.However surprisingly we still mange to find place for them.This just continues to surprise us.We have often discussed that looking at the way we keep buying books, we may have to just buy a flat for books.I remember one of my bosses who actually had an entire flat just to store books:)

The thing with life is no matter how much space you have it's never enough! the more space you have, the more stuff you buy:)

I can already imagine our room with different book covers, different genres and music that goes well as we just sit, lie and read our books.

Technology and Instant Gratification

What have cellphones, e-mail, instant messaging, SMS and social networking sites done to us? For one they have made it easier to connect and relate to others. Infact it even has helped people find old friends, keep in touch, even though you may not have met them for years. Technology has created ways where we can choose who we want in our virtual world and block the unwanted.

In a busy world technology has helped us form virtual relationships, sometimes with very little probability of meeting face to face.

Along with all this, technology has created space for individuals who want instant gratification. If Sigmund Freud, a psychoanalyst would have been alive, he would have jumped in joy to see how his theory about humans wanting instant pleasure has turned right.

Maybe Freud was born a little too early. I wonder what else he could have speculated.

By Instant Gratification, I just mean that people want quick replies to their sent text messages — the absence of which can create doubt, panic and sometimes a lot of other thoughts about how their message is being perceived. The reality is that no matter how reliable technology is, sometimes, it fails us. The messages don't reach,there are people who don't read messages and also sometimes if we keep our phones silent, we may miss a message for hours and not only that if you are in a meting or workshop,you may not see it all!

This happens to all of us, but the big question is — what can you do about it?

I love technology and I'm married to a techie :) So this isn't any anti tech message. It's just a thought. Let's explore how we can use technology to our optimum in the next article.

Sense of worth

My psychology professor, while teaching Rogers, mentioned a line that stayed with me. Over the years it has shaped my work with my clients. This post is a way of thanking my professor for saying that and touching my life in a significant way.

The strange thing is that I still remember the day when she mentioned the line and how it kept echoing for a very long time.Carl Rogers was a therapist who believed in the human potential. He believed that people have the capacity to find their own answers. My professor said —

'The fact that you are a human being makes you worthy'.

I consider this as something sacred, which has touched the lives of so many students who I taught psychology and the clients I worked with. It helps reinforce the idea of being and I have seen people's faces light up as soon as they hear it. It's been healing in a beautiful way.

Thanks for sharing that line with us and touching so many lives.

Dreams

Dreams pass in to the reality of action. From the action stems the dream again and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.

-Anais Nin

Couple of years back I read something in my dream, which continues to come back to me every now and then. They just appeared in a dream and prepared me for life to come.

Faith to Fathom
Strength to Surrender

Over the years I have felt this dream and the message slowly seeping in to my life. Teaching me faith and helping me surrender. I still wonder where did these lines come from. Dreams can be therapeutic too.